dilly-daily

New entry!

2011-07-30T18:58:00.001-07:00

My blog sucks.

No updates at all.

Don't bother reading......zzz

You and I

2011-02-15T05:36:00.000-08:00

Secondhand Serenade - You and I

I'm feeling distracted
And likewise attracted
To all the things that you let me know
To all the things that you can't let go

You're waiting for friction
The empty addiction
Is forcing me to intervene
Let's break out of this scene

I know I'm not alone
I'm not the only one who is broken
And I know I'll never let you go
I could watch the world pass by
Just as long as it's you and I

You and I
I watch you take over
I'll give you this offer
Take my hand and we will run away
Leave behind our past to stay
Decaying till its rotten
We'll have long forgotten
The memories that will haunt your heart

Let's tear this town apart
I know I'm not alone
I'm not the only one who is broken
And I know I'll never let you go
I could watch the world pass by
Just as long as it's you and I
You and I

We watched the world go by
(But if it's you and I)
Then we will never die
(No we can never die)
We watch the world go by
http://www.elyricsworld.com/you_and_i_lyrics_secondhand_serenade.html
But if it's you and I
Then we will never die

I know I'm not alone
I'm not the only one who is broken
And I know I'll never let you go
I could watch the world pass by
Just as long as it's you and I
You and I
I know I'm not alone
I'm not the only one who is broken
And I know I'll never let you go
I could watch the world pass by
Just as long as it's you and I
You and I...

of mutations of the mind.

2011-02-14T21:02:00.000-08:00

You see how ironic people can be. When you think you have known a person all your life, it turns out you never did. How different people can be when you change the situation...when you put them in a place outside their comfort zone. They will undergo the mutation of their minds: they change their opinions, views and feelings. They become turmoiled with their insecurities or sometimes...they may just suck it all up and pretend to be stronger.

As it was Valentine's Day yesterday, I've seen a lot of these "mutations" of the mind and feelings when it comes to love. Not that I won't confess that some of these mutations, I have experienced myself through out the past few weeks. I've become a very vulnerable person due to this THING called love.

Yes, he was nice. He treated me as dearly as he could. No one ever did that. I admitted I was lonely and desperate at some times, and I tend to make mistakes in the past. It was really a tough thing for me to accept the fact that I am in love. Part of me feels that this is just purely, lust. That I will be in pain if I am in love. Love hurts, event hough it's good or bad.

Part of me speaks of being bored. I am EASILY bored. Turns out boredom is not his nature. We talk alike, we think alike. We even finish each other's sentences. That's the genius of it all. This is when I say the bottomline conclusion that I have finally opened my heart for him. This is my MUTATION of the mind and heart.

"You see how ironic people can be. When you think you have known a person all your life, it turns out you never did. How different people can be when you change the situation...when you put them in a place outside their comfort zone..."

I am now in my comfort zone. I am home.

first from iphone

2011-02-14T21:01:00.000-08:00

hola!
Sent from my iPhone

Hantu Raya

2010-09-09T00:28:00.000-07:00

Ahh…it’s that time of the year again. I can already taste the liveliness and the intensity of the upcoming war, duel, feud, confrontation or whatever you might call it that will soon happen. Hari Raya Aidilfitri is the best time to observe World Wrestling Championship or International Debate Competition. Titles like “Best Mulut Celupar” or “Kaki Merajuk No. 1” or “Manusia Paling Pelokek/Kedekut” will be awarded on this eventful day. It’s funny because this is MY TYPE OF HARI RAYAs that I’ve been experiencing since I know the meaning of the word “family”. No, I’m not trying to get some attention from Rumah Kebajikan Masyarakat or United Nations or UNICEF or whatever. I just feel that I need to write this down as a proof of my living.

My family, even how much I love them, is EGOISTICAL MONSTERS. We never take blame for any of our actions, we never say sorry, we are always the right ones and we only care for our own feelings. I’m not saying that my family consists of bad people. I was raised with having all that I need. No, I don’t think that’s the problem. That’s not the point I want to say here.

During Hari Raya, I think this is the best time to express our love and respect between each family members. Being the “egoistical monsters” that we are, my family tend to look through everybody’s faults. Of course lah, during raya we have been under one roof at nenek’s place, right? So, things like “Hei anak kau tak reti berhenti nangis ke orang nak relax time raya pun tak boleh”..or “Hoi kau ni tak reti nak tolong mak kat dapur ke asyik tidor je” and even “EEhhh….makcik tu gile kedekut kan sampai cucu sedara dia pun dia tak bagi duit raya”..will lead to the World Wresting Championship, or rather, World Tampar-Menampar Championship that I’ve mentioned above.

Well, I don’t want to elaborate on the sporting events. It’s better if you come and see for yourself. Even today, on the eve of Aidilfitri, there has been a “minor event” happening just now.

What I feel about it? I feel DISGUSTED. It’s an insult to Hari Raya Aidilfitri and also to the family system. Most of the time, all these fights happened because everyone have MULUT YANG JAHAT and ZERO TOLERANCE on everyone else. It’s kind of sad that even how much educated you are, plus being a Muslim, we all still cannot control our emotional craziness and anger. I hope I won’t create the same mistake and I also hope my future generation will learn from our past mistakes.

LOVE and RESPECT your family. It’s not all about YOU. Human relationships are all about GIVE & TAKE. It’s not about PERFECTION. When we learn how to tolerate each others’ weaknesses, that is when we truly can ACCEPT & LOVE to the fullest.

Selayangku Sayang

2010-08-19T06:31:00.000-07:00

Pn. Ila: "Pn, Hospital Sg. Buloh takde kekosongan lah. Boleh pilih hospital lain tak?"

Me: "Err...Hospital Selayang boleh tak?"

Pn. Ila: "OK. Hospital Selayang ye...kejap saya prepare surat untuk Pn. lapor diri. Bila boleh lapor diri kat hospital?"

Me: "Minggu depan boleh Puan? 23hb Ogos.

Pn. Ila: "OK"

It was as fast as the blink of an eye, FINALLY, I secured my job placement at Hospital Selayang. Thanks to some of my friends who updated their facebook status that relayed the information that the job placement is on our on choice of place and time of reporting of duty. Which is what I was waiting for all this time!! It's a pain in the a** to wait and wait and wait. I prefer if any authorities would simplify all the procedures and just give the damn job to me at my own accord!!

But, I'm not here to complain. I really really really am THANKFUL to God, especially and my family for all their support and doa' all this time. Alhamdulillah. Even though I haven't been on my very best image in front of my family, they still support me all the way.

A bit bout the adventure: I drove towards Selangor early Wednesday morning and went straight to pick up Jaja at her home in Seri Kembangan. Her house is BIG! and have lots of fun stuff in it (she got like a library of comics and cute ornaments around..gila2!). She got my KKM posting letter which was needed for reporting of duty. Then, together, we went to JKN Selangor, which is in Shah Alam, and when we reached there, we talked to the officers and ended up getting the placement that we requested for.

Jaja asked for Hospital Serdang and I asked for Hospital Selayang. I requested to start working next Monday while my friend wants to work later.

Well, the rest are history. I'll be working next Monday.

I've been trying to find an apartment for rent around Damansara Damai which is like 11km from my working place. So, I'm planning to go meet some landlords this Sunday with my uncle. In the meantime, I'm going to have to settle living with my Uncle's family which is 1 hour drive from my working place. Well, at least it's just temporary.

Good luck Aisyah!

What I Had for Buka Puasa

2010-08-15T05:12:00.000-07:00

Today, I went to Telok Mas Bazar Ramadhan with Mama & Azman. Luckily, not many people are around and it was easier for us to walk around. So, we bought some...err...i mean, A LOT of food for buka puasa.

Here's what we had today:

Kuih Lopes & Pulut Panggang

Roti John

Ayam Percik

Badak Berendam

...and we also had nasi kerabu, cencaru asam pedas, daging masak lemak cili api, daging masak kicap, air soya, air tebu and air teh 'o'.

BURP..!

Circadian Rhythm Reset~!

2010-08-14T15:34:00.000-07:00

Since the start of Ramadhan, I haven't been such a disciplined person in the matters of time management. Here's a current typical daily routine of mine:

4.15 am- 5 am : Sahur & doing the dishes

5.00 am - 12.30 pm : Sleeping..(yeap, missed Subuh everyday. Not proud of it)

1.30pm - 5.00pm : Slacking off, watching TV, reading novels

5.00 pm - 7.30pm : Preparing for buka puasa (either cooking or going to bazaars)

8.30pm - 3.30 am : TV and more TV, or reading novels

3.30 am - 4.15am : Sleeping (1 hour..barely)

Crazy huh? It's like I'm sleeping all day long and staying up all night. My body clock is kinda haywire and I feel TIRED all the time. So, now I'm gonna re-set everything. During sahur today, I drank a cup of Nescafe and surf the internet to shut down any feelings of sleepiness. Right now, I feel kinda heavy on my eyelids and I feel like my chest is compressed. I think the body still thinks I'm about to hop in the bed again! No, I totally will not fall asleep!!!

I think I need Shane Dawson to crack me up. Later.

p/s: Currently immersed in Blood and Gold by Anne Rice.

Job Placement

2010-08-12T01:08:00.000-07:00

I think most of you already found out that I've successfully obtained job placement in Selangor as Pegawai Farmasi Gred U41. It's good news but I am so hungry I can't be excited anymore. Today is the 2nd day of Ramadhan 1431.

Last Monday, I called MOH to inquire about the job posting. The dialogue goes:

Me: Hello ..Assalamualaikum..boleh sy cakap dgn En. M?

En. M: Ye saye bercakap..

Me: En M..Saya Aisyah...hari tu sy ade berjumpe dgn En untuk bertanyekan ttg

posting..(bla..bla..blah..) Boleh sy tau dpt negeri mana?

En. M: Kejap ye..sy check...OK..cube teka awak dpt negeri mana??

Me: Teka...aaaa..mcm cabutan bertuah plak...hehe..

En. M: Awak dpt SELANGOR...tahniah ye..

Me: Selangor? Selangor ye En? Ooo..Alhamdulillah..TQ eh En. M.

En. M: OK. no problem..

I still can't believe I got my 1st choice of posting place!! Yeahhoo!

So, yesterday...out of excitement...Mama & me decided to terjah KKM & JKN to get more information about the posting & if probable...to report myself for duty. It turned out that MOH haven't prepared the letter yet and the list of successful applicants have not reached JKN yet. It was a pain in the a** as we already drove for 2 hours and we went back home empty-handed.

The truth is, we didn't went home empty handed. I purposely not going to put up the story here as it can compromise my chance of being placed in the specific hospital that I've requested. Haha.

So, today..I just want the day to end up quick so I can buka puasa heartily.Gosh..I feel so hungry hungry hungry. Plus, I don't like blogging when I'm hungry. Actually, I don't like blogging at all. Teehee..

current obsession

2010-06-28T12:16:00.000-07:00

Hello, I'm back!!!

Last 23rd June was my 23rd birthday. Well, happy belated birthday to me!! So, on today's post I'm just gonna list 23 things that I want right now.

HTC DESIRE - I never had a smartphone before and I really digg this new ANDROID phone as it got everything I needed (well, except video call..darn it!). The price is RM2000 on the market now. Too bad I don't have that much money...
WHITE HONDA CIVIC TYPE-R - I can probably afford this when I work. Don't know much bout cars but I like 'em sporty and white.
NICKHUN 2pm AS MY SLAVE - Or Jang Geun Seuk. Hey, I'm not that picky.
LEE HYORI AS MY MISTRESS - you know I like her style..
RM 10,000 PER MONTH - Is this enough? Another RM5000 please...
ALL THE WAR AROUND THE WORLD TO STOP - Peace.
A BIRTHDAY PARTY WITH EVERYONE I LOVE - Believe me, I never had a birthday party before.
1000 MORE FRIENDS - I'd really like people all around the world to WANT to be my friends. Hehe..
TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK IN ANY LANGUAGE. I have this huge ambition to travel around the world and it would be really convenient to speak in any languages..
LASIX SURGERY TO CORRECT MY NEARLY-BLIND EYES. -I got like 10.00 on both sides of my eyes and wearing glasses is so not attractive at all.
GUITAR SKILLS - Hell yeah!!!!
SMALLER BUTT.. - Smaller butts make it easier to walk ..or fit into a jeans.
ALL SHISEIDO/LANCOME' PRODUCTS -simply love em
ALL ITEMS SOLD BY FOREVER21 & GUESS -same goes here.
DANIEL HENNEY AS MY HUSBAND -don't tell me you don't love those pecks and sweet smile...awww...
21 DAYS VACATION IN THE CARIBBEANS -right after I got married to 15.
EURO TRIP -with hubby, slave and mistress...haha
A NOSE-JOB -like Lee Hyori's.
ABILITY TO HYPNOTISE PEOPLE
ABILITY TO DELETE MY SINS
IMMORTALITY
AN ANSWER TO EVERYTHING
TO BE ABLE TO LOVE MYSELF 100%.

Hmm...I guess that's it. Kinda cliche but I really wanna have those 23 things that I want....even though it's kinda impossible. HAHA!!!

SO, what's your 23 things that you want right now?

adulthood

2010-05-26T07:19:00.001-07:00

The ideal state is "adult" - when you respond to things happening in here-and-now in a rational way, unaffected by past emotions or behaviour learned from your parents.

5 ways to "mature adulthood":

1. Avoid blaming your past.

Harbouring thoughts like "I'm always so weak", or "Why are other people always so useless?" sets the tone for the future. Try to push those feelings away and enter new situations with an open mind.

2. Remember you can't be liked all of the time.

Ingratiating yourself with others is often driven by a desire to be liked. But, not everybody will like you, so just be yourself.

3. Don't expect to get everything right.

If you expect all things to go well, you will be disappointed and you'll become a control freak. Learn to accept that some things go wrong.

4. Try not to feel responsible for other people all the time.

Allow other people to make their mistakes or successes without your help. This will stop you from "parenting" all your friends.

5. Push yourself.

Avoiding challenges may be safe and comfortable, but you'll never learn what you are really capable of. Setting yourself small challenges will help boost your self confidence.

credits: CLEO magazine (October 2008)

shitload of a day

2010-05-25T00:22:00.000-07:00

Well, today was kinda shitty.

It was in the morning where we all had breakfast together. I was telling Mama about Nenek and my plan to go to JB the next day.

The plan was:

1. Wednesday = go to Maksu's house in JB to measure my baju kurung and tempah her tailoring services and stuff.

2. Thursday = go back to Kluang and pack up all Nenek's stuff in her home to be sent to Melaka. You see, Nenek sold the house and now she gotta move everything out for the new owner to start living there.

3. Friday = the lorry should be coming on this day to pick up all the stuffs.

4. Saturday = go to rumah Tok Long for a wedding. And go back to Melaka that evening.

So, as I was babbling about the plan. Suddenly, Mama said "My roadtax's dead. So, you can't go to Maksu's house tomorrow. I need you to drive me here and there."

Me: Whatt?? We already planned this. I need to go to Maksu's to tempah the baju kurung already.

Mama: One day doesn't make a difference. U got like 3 months right?

Me: It does make a difference..we planned it already...

Mama: (started gritting her teeth and looked like a demon) I bought you those Rm700 kain ela for you, you damn bitch. And now you're arguing with me???

Nenek: Relax ..relax. We can talk this over...

Mama: Mak, you shut up!!! You always pick on Aisyah's side...!!! (stood up and throw the glass she held onto the sink. I thought the glass broke into pieces..)

Nenek: (screaming)..Lonnnng, you goddamn BITCHHHH!!!! *&^&*^&^^&%$$#%$%#$#$%#$...

So, we fought like that you see. A lot of screaming and nothingness. It sucks to see such a simple problem turned into a goddamn family feud. (Hey, I had fun translating the Malay curses into English.)

Well, what I can conclude here is that I cannot live with Mama. No, don't get me wrong. I love her as my mother and I can try to give her anything she wants. But, I prefer not to be controlled by her and I really don't want to have any conflict with her. (Well, you know with all the screaming and cursing and shit).

I can't wait to be posted at some hospital where I could live happily, alone!

Oh, by the way, the plan changed to below:

1. Wednesday = be Mama's chaffeur. (I hate this)

2. Thursday = go back to Kluang.

3. Friday = go for Pakngah's BBQ party somewhere in Melaka.

If we'd know solving problems would be this easy, there's no need for screaming right!??

To hell with emotional turmoil and fucked-up thoughts about "screaming-could-get-me-what-i-want". What a total shitload of a day!

fin

2010-05-07T21:45:00.000-07:00

I have now un-officially graduated from UiTM! The last Ethics paper on 5th May 2010 marked the end of my stay here. It's been a wonderful, amazing, "shut-up!!" kind of 5 years of being here. I met people that I loved (my lovely best friends), people that I hated (and I still hold grudges), people that I look up to (my dear lecturers), people I adore (oh you cute juniors!) and people who made me never regret of any single breathing day I've been in UiTM. I don't have much words to say, but the mixed-yogurt-y feelings make me feel like crying. Overwhelmed is the best word.

It's a self discovery. I mean, by being with people, you actually will know more of yourself. 5 years is a lot of time to discover myself. And I thank God for directing me towards the people that He loved. I am thankful that I've become what I am today and secured from any illness, misfortune or even death. There are people that I know of along the way, that didn't even make it to my age. I believe that their strive for life should be continued by the living.

Speaking of goodbyes, I personally think that goodbyes don't exist. We never truly leave. It's just a matter of transforming into something else, changing places, etc. Life's dynamic. We're not in the 40's where you only have telegrams and stuff. Right now, we have Facebook. How can you say goodbye when you're on Facebook?? I don't get it.

Hail to the online social networks!!

Updates and "10 places I want to go right now"

2010-03-24T16:34:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was the last day of the 2nd week hospital attachment of this semester. I had been writing my report all day long in the library. Quite unproductive, though, cuz I can't seem to finish my revision with all those reports needing to be done. Cettt..!

My laptop is now using Windows Ultimate 7. I just got it "transformed" by Syuk and ....it's so cool!! SO, right now I'm still adapting to the new system and hopefully I can get everything faster by this.

Here goes: 10 places I wanna go right now:

1. Rumah Mama in Poli Merlimau...miss my family....so muchh...

2. Midvalley Megamalll...I wanna watch the last screening of NINE ...

3. JB..i wanna meet my papa right now..i wonder how he's doing...

4. Pulau Redang...or any other beaches in the world..cuz..i loikee the white sandy beach...

5. New York..I really wanna feel the night rain of New York and compare it with my hometown...cool

6. Jude Law's room (well, with him around la)....you know why

7. Bilik kebal yang menyimpan kertas2 peperiksaan student pharmacy for this May exam...haha

8. Lady Gaga's concert

9. Under a blooming sakura tree, sipping on nescafe...

10. Eiffel tower..

That's it!! I'm off to PSB to study with Fatimah. Later!!

Do you have the guts?

2010-03-09T06:36:00.001-08:00

Lately, I'm having a lot of arguments that ends up with me being the one getting the biggest hit. Well, you can say that I'm the LOSER of the arguments. I believe that I am not one who likes arguments and I prefer to stay away as much as possible from it. But, how can I, as a normal human being, predict what's coming up even how hard I try.

Currently, I am organizing a dance performance for my class final year prom night. It's not too unbelievable to say that the dance group is AWESOME! So, the thing is, we kinda wanna do the perf at the beginning of the night, not in the end like what they did in previous years (yeah, being the seniors and all..some thought that you'll make the biggest impression if it is done at the end). So, as I am kinda "close" to the organizing party, my friends asked me to call that guy and ask him to put our performance first. But, to no avail, I didn't manage to persuade him to follow our suggestion. So, I ended up being dissed by my friends.

Friend 1: "Kalau nak telefon, mintak tukar waktu dance, ko kena argue sampai dapat. Yang kau pergi cair dgn si ***** tu apehal?"

Friend 2: "Tu lah...cepat sgt cair..hahahah.."

Friend 3: "Tak gune ko rapat dgn budak ***** tu.."

I feel like slamming their faces against the wall. I wonder why I hadn't said something about their statement. I just stormed out of the room and never talked to the again.

Here's what I should've said to the organizer:

1. We need to have the first spot. It's the night you celebrate us. Not the staff. Why do you prioritize the staff?

2. I want you to change it, no matter what.

3. I think your program would be superb if you follow our suggestions..seriously!

What I should've said to my friends:

1. Shut up.

2. I tak CAIR. Kenapa kau pikir macam tu?

3. Kalau kau nak sangat, kenapa tak kau je telefon.

4. Don't DISS me. Stop it.

In conclusion, I should learn to control my anger and argue GLORIOUSLY. I hate myself for being gutless and too chicken to fight for what's right. Damn!

Tests that rock

2010-03-08T10:25:00.000-08:00

When I woke up this morning, I realized I didn't wake up at the time the alarm should set off. I remembered setting the alarm to 5 am cuz I needed to revise MORE!. Last night, I only managed to read on cirrhosis, just halfway through. So, it kinda sucked that I woke up at 7 am. Lost 2 precious hours to sleeping.

So, I began revising and at 7.45 am..Fatimah texted me "aisyah, jom pi makan roti canai kat psb. aku dah tak larat nak revise ni.." and then I replied .."aku dah siap dah, jom."..

Haha..terkejut ko, Timah. So, in 20 minutes we were already at the cafe eating roti telur and discussing about the test. As expected, Fatimah already finished revising on ALL of the topics. So cool! But, it's good cuz I gotta listen more than read.

We went for the test at 10.30 till 11.30. The first subject was PHR 576. The test had been fun cuz I answered quite easily. Most of the questions were on Cirrhosis, and I read that part the most. So, Alhamdulillah.. Later, at 2.30pm, we had PHR 577 test. This one was a bit difficult and confusing. I read all the notes but kinda got stuck here and there during the test. Hopefully, I'll pass on both papers with high scores!!

After the tests, Fatimah and me decided to go to Sunway Pyramid to do some shopping. I got to collect my toric contact lenses which I've ordered last week from A-Look. It's my first time wearing toric contact lenses and I can say, it was quite comfortable. Nice!!

Fatimah got her shoes that she's gonna wear at the prom party this weekend. Seriously, sexay!! I liked it!

After all those shopping and money-wasting, we went home at 9.30 pm and arrived in UiTM PUncak Alam 30-40 minutes later......

Now the clock says it's 2.38 am in the morning .....and I feel so ssleepyyy....so..gotta sleeep...niteeee..........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

Things that happened within last week

2010-03-06T18:09:00.000-08:00

Hey Sunday!!

UPDATES:

Monday
Today was the day where I went for pharmacoepidemiology test without revising anything at all..figuratively speaking. Out of 21 chapters, I only managed to read (not memorize) 7 and a half chapters (world record..for the slowest progression in intermediate IQ revision.LOL). So, I went in and Thank God Alhamdulillah, I was able to answer most of the questions..(again a world record for being IRONIC).

Tuesday
Hmm, what did I do today? Today was the day I had my last CBL (case based learning). The topics were prostate cancer and colonorectal cancer. Dr. NEI came in late and we started the discussion without her presence. That was a good decision as we were able to finish the session earlier.
In the evening..(6.30pm), I went for dance practice at Bilik TV. Rase macam nak patah kaki cuz been moving around since morning till late evening.

Wednesday
Prepared for CBL presentation slides and did nothing the whole day. Remembered I got 2 tests on Monday 8 March and started to belek2 my notes. Not enough motivation to start the revisions..huhu.

Thursday
CBL presentation started at 11 am at DK9. My part of the presentation was the most insignificant (kind of boring) - the pathophysiology of colorectal cancer. All of the other presenters, Cue..Along..Fatimah..Raihan..Wani..Pirun..Naim..etc were debating on treatment modalities, complications, etc and I just sat there in silence. How can I be such an introvert?? Weird ..weird..weird..
That evening, we had our Final Year Solat Hajat & Bacaan Tahlil for Arwah En. Imam (my classmate, Cik Am's dad). Inallillah.. Had fun being together with my friends. I really admire Zaini's bacaan Quran during the solah and Piah's azan. They're both awesome!

Friday
Today was the day for Riang Ria Bowling at Plaza Alam Sentral Megalanes!! 72 of my classmates including me went for the fun-filled and sakai-filled event. Why sakai? Cuz I don't usually go bowling. Even after my brothers begged me to..I never did. And somehow I had the guts to overcome my phobia of the lanes....haha...to go bowling!! Managed to score 49 in the first set and 78 in the second set..improvement is sweet!! Conclusion: Will bring Azman and Aizat for bowling!

Saturday
The National Pharmacy Sports Carnival (NPSC) was held in MSU today. Because I had a bit of sore throat and tones of notes to revise, I didn't go. Heard UiTM MENANG JUARA KESELURUHAN. Congrats UiTM!!

Hey Sunday!
So..today. I will finish my revision. ...arghh..

PHR 576

Liver cirrhosis
Thyroid disorder
Adrenal gland disorder

PHR 577

Chemotherapy basics
Breast cancer
Lung cancer
GI and genitourinary cancer
Leukemia
Lymphoma

reunion

2010-02-20T10:13:00.000-08:00

I got a message from my schoolmate, Shaera 2 days ago saying that she'll be organizing a reunion party for all 1999-SKTR2 fellow friends. As soon as I got the message, I went to the bus station and bought a ticket to JB. Okay..let's paused it here. "Primary school reunion party". I was like...wow..how long have I left primary school? A decade? haha. I feel kinda excited and a bit curious...like..how would my friends look like after all these years? Will they remember me? That kinda stuff..

So, after I got the tickets, went to JB by bus and Maksu picked me up at the bus station....fast forward...on 19th Feb 2010 at 8.15pm...I am all alone at My Friend Restaurant in Tampoi, JB. Should've known what's "janji melayu" and I went Japanese style all the way...too punctual!! After I waited..and waited ...and waited..Shaera, Haziqah, Ashiqin, Taufik, Ilyas, Fariz, Amirul, Adha & Shafiq..arrived. Only a total of 11 people came. Well, thats kinda good for a first reunion party.

So, the reunion went off smoothly and everyone chit-chatted like nobody's business. The cliche talk goes on and on- how do you do? what do you do? are you married? what's your phone number..and all those stuff. Haha. I had fun but I felt a tad..tiny-weeny..dissapointed ..and a bit sad. I felt as if even though all 11 of us were there, we kinda didn't connect. We're not really exposing our true selves. Yeah, I guess people are insecure, after all these years, including me. All those stress and pressure of trying to keep up with the world's expectations of us could've let all of us live with such insecurities. "Some things are not meant to be spoken of" - kinda feeling lingers on throughout the dinner.

After dinner, we all decided to go to Danga Bay and have some fresh air (not really fresh la). It's already past 11pm but still, like they say "malam masih muda". Haha.. So, we just parked at the beach and lepak there for a while. Borak ..borak..borak. The weird thing is, only Amirul clicked with me. We talked about work, properties, financial issues and stuff. Kinda cool. The other guys kept their distance from me like I'm a rabid mad dog. HMm....weird.

Well, after a while we got tired of the beach and went to the cafe..(sorta)..where a live band were performing. Cool. They sang a couple of cool songs and we listened throught. A live band plus the beach equals to awesome feeling..<3~>

At the end of the gathering, we kinda just separated. Just like that. No one calls me after the meeting and I guess, we haven't re-connected as friends yet. Only time will tell. Hopefully, as time goes by, we'll truly trust & love each other the same way as we did back in SKTR 2 days. InsyaAllah.

a happy ending

2010-02-18T08:56:00.000-08:00

Wow, I've just read my last blog post. So EMOTIONAL! I wonder if I am THAT temperamental all the time..hmm..

Today is my 7th day off for Chinese New Year holiday a.k.a resting-week-with-not-so-much-resting. A lot of things happened this whole week that forced me to go out of the house almost every day.

11/2 - Went to Jeram Ikan Bakar for class outing. Ate a lot for RM20. Totally worth it. Right after force-feeding, drove directly to Melaka at 11.00pm. Arrived in Melaka at 1am.

12/2 - Went to the laundry to send all the dirty clothes. Papa came to visit us.

13/2 - Went out to Jusco Bandaraya Melaka to buy some books. Got the book.

14/2 - Went out to buy some jajan at the local store.

15/2 - Went out to buy a washing machine. Mesin basuh rosak la pulak..Sent Aizat for tuition.

16/2 - Brought Azman & Aizat to watch Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief.. cool movie!!

17/2 -Went out with Mama on an adventure. Parked the car at KTM Seremban and used the KTM to go to KL. From KL Sentral, we took the monorail to get to Titiwangsa and went to Kamal Medical Bookstore. Bought a RM490 worth of books..haha.. Thanks, Mama. I love you so much!

That night, went to Jusco Bandaraya...again...to find nenek some undergarments..eceh..kesian nenek.

18/2 - Ingat nak stay at home. Suddenly Uncle Bani came for a visit...we went out to have a drink..

19/2 - Will be going back to JB for a reunion party!!

Lots of travelling..Lots of missions...& lots of observations!!

It's hard to forgive & forget

2010-01-25T19:12:00.000-08:00

Honestly, I don't think I could take this anymore. I don't know whether I'm being too emotional or seriously sincere about what I feel right now.

Have you seen Ally McBeal episodes? When Ally had been mad at someone, she would imagine that she's doing something to the other person like punching him or something. I feel the same way towards the people I hate. I don't know why my brain accentuates the hatred more than the feeling of love.

All I wanna ask to these people is:

Why do you even BOTHER to care about me when all this while you are backstabbing me? Go to hell!!

First day of Semester 8ight

2010-01-03T16:09:00.001-08:00

I hope today is going to be a good day.

Good food for the empty gut..

Good eye candies for the empty heart..

Good motivation for the lost soul..

InsyaAllah!

Cookies and Scanning

2009-12-23T02:10:00.001-08:00

Today I woke up at 10am. Went downstairs and brought a stock-load of food upstairs. Switched on the laptop and started scanning all my childhood pictures.

It's actually a small holiday project that Mama insisted me to do. I had to peel off every pictures out of the album and transfer it into the virtual drive. Later, I got bored and went to the kitchen. I saw a packetfull of chocolate chips and had a sudden urge to eat choc chips cookies.

So, here I am in front of the laptop, scanning the pics and muching on choc chip cookies that I've made. It's kinda soft on the insides. I'd like it more if the cookies are crunchier.

I'll do better next time.

Lunatic

2009-12-22T07:21:00.001-08:00

I made a promise. I decided to not gossip or break any promises starting Awal Muharam. I won't mengumpat anymore. And I broke all those promises within on the 5th of Muharam. Stupid..stupid..stupid ME!!

Actually, this is how the story goes..

Last Saturday, I went to Maksu's place with Nenek. We were planning to stay at her place for 2-3 days. While borak-ing, Maksu asked "Kaklong, hari tu pergi Sunway Lagoon ke?". I said yes. Then she asked "Kenape tak bawa Lily?". I was so hairan that I asked her back "Kenape Maksu, ade ape2 terjadik ke?". Maksu was hesitant to tell me the truth. After a bit of cocok-mencocok, she succumbed.

Maksu told me that while we were all enjoying (kononnye..padahal fulus takde) ourselves in Sunway Lagoon, Makngah recieved an sms from Lily saying "..diorang tak ajak adik pun pergi Sunway Lagoon. Rase cam dok kat rumah orang lain je..padahal orang lain dok kat rumah kita"...

wait..wait..let me explain..

Pakngah and Makngah in the current case was performing their hajj. During that time, Nenek was put at Pakngah's house to take care of the house and their 16 year old biotch..opps..daughter. Their daughter likes to wake up at noon and didn't even have a single bit of care towards nenek (like not wanting to stay in the house with nenek, didn't like to talk to nenek). Quoted from her "Adik tak suke pergi keluar jalan-jalan kalau bukan dengan Mama & Papa. Adik suke dok kat rumah".

Okay back to the story.

After Makngah got the sms from her stupid biotch daughter, she cried and wailed from Mekah and called Maksu asking "kenape mak benci sgt dengan Ipah...?". What kind of logic is not taking her daughter to Sunway Lagoon because we hated her? Anyways, her daughter knows we're going to Sunway Lagoon since the day before and Mama never intended to bring her cuz Mama's broke!

When Nenek heard this story, she kept talking nonstop about it and feels unsettled. I tried to comfort her. But she kept talking about it and cried sometimes. So finally, I said "Nenek, lupekan je lah. Jom jangan cakap lagi pasal Makngah tu. Biar dia dgn hidup dia."

And here's what the stupid stupid stupid emotional me had done to aggravate the situation.

I told MAMA..of all people..Mama about Makngah.

And what she did? She smsed Pakngah about it. Makngah and Pakngah got into a fight. Makngah called Maksu saying her "mulut jahat". Maksu calling nenek asking who told Makngah. Then Nenek told Maksu, it wasn't her. Then Maksu called me asking why had I foolishly told Mama? I just said "Maksu, ini bukan problem Maksu. Ini antara Mama & Makngah. Makngah kena tau kesalahan dia."

The best part is not being scolded by Maksu. It's when Nenek called me buntut ayam and puk*.. *shit*.

Mama said "Thank God you told me. You should've told me earlier. Don't feel unsettled. They are the ones that should be unsettled". I feel so terrible after breaking my promises. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to start to apologize. I don't like Mama's ways of solving problems. It just creates too much havoc and chaos. I feel like I'm the one to blame. I care so much for Maksu and Nenek. I don't care about Makngah. I just want Nenek and Maksu to understand why I've broken the promise. If not, I will have to live through their anger and frustration. I hate dissapointing and frustrating and mostly, hurting people. Because I can feel how disappointed, frustrated and hurted by my own self. I can feel it. I can feel how painful it is when someone cries, or feel anything at all.

I am a mirror. I mirror emotions. I hate this. How can I break the mirror?

I would like to be RATIONAL and LESS EMOTIONAL.

There you go. I let them all out.

Mirror-ing

2009-12-20T14:25:00.000-08:00

Hello blogworld,

Currently, I'm enjoying the last bits of my holiday. It's been an up-and-down kinda of hiatus I had since mid November.

First two weeks:
Super damn bo-ring. I didn't know what to do and end up doing Sudoku the whole two weeks. But, got a chance of soaking up the sun at Sunway Lagoon by being a babysitter for my two kid-brothers. Had my phone soaking wet when I forgot that it's tucked neatly in my back pocket. Thank God it's not permenantly damaged!

After becoming the baby-sitter, I've also had the chance of being the errand-girl. Having a driving license is a gift, as well as a curse! The usual target places are: banks, pasar, groceries, kampung (Kluang), rumah Maksu, rumah Makda, rumah Pakngah, Tesco, and the list goes on.

Hmm..the best part of the holiday would be the time for self-reflection. The long hours of doing nothing ultimately leads to the self-provoking thoughts on how to be a better person. I believe that it is natural for human to seek perfection (kesempurnaan) in every parts of our life. It is especially disturbing for me to dynamically change towards the better as I've seen the flaws of others in myself.

"Do unto others what you would like to do unto you"
Ironically, this is only partially correct.

I've tried my best to follow this Golden Rule, but we have to agree, that each one of us has different demands, right? How could we fairly fulfil that when we all are not the same? The saying goes "rambut sama hitam, hati lain-lain". . .Yes, I could ponder on and on and come out with 1000s of "should've" such as "I should've be more understanding.." or "I should've been a better friend/family..". But, sometimes it is beyond our limited understandable mind or our own egoistic nature to cater to everyone's needs. It is not our lifelong mission to satisfy everyone, especially emotionally.

To my family and friends who is having a really hard time in their lives, I believe that all your sufferings are merely worldly tests by God for you to overcome and be uplifted as a better person. Those deep tearing heart-ache, the nights full of tears, the feeling of endless hell, will soon pass.

Let faith & patience be our friend. Amin.

2009-11-01T23:13:00.000-08:00

I am so don't-have-time to update my blog.
Currently, I'm having my final exams plus concurrently writing my thesis.
Bye for now.

practically blind

2009-10-11T02:39:00.000-07:00

My eyes hurts. I've been on the monitor since friday night. Thesis write up, hospital training reports, and youtube once in a while is making me blind. So, i guess it's time to shut down the laptop.

"He who lives without discipline dies without honor."
-Icelandic Proverb

korean mood

2009-10-08T07:39:00.000-07:00

Currently, I'm listening to 2NE1 - In The Club. Cool.

Right now, I have 3 BIG TASKS to complete within the next 20 days:

1. Complete hospital training attachment.

2. Complete my final thesis write-up.

3. Revise for final exams which will start on 29.10.2009.

It seems that I'll be ultra busy within the next 6 weeks. Hope I'll get thru this!! InsyaAllah.

Ah! I did promised to upload some photos to my blog, right? Well, here are some pics taken while having lunch at Hosp. Sg. Buloh's cafe yesterday:

Me & Fatimah

*kekenyangan*

My friends..*lahapnye!*

Here's a funny story that happened today. Today, Fatimah, Sun, Baha & me went to the hospital by car. On the way back, I accidently missed the exit to Kuala Selangor. Unnoticed, I drove till Rawang until Fatimah said "Aisyah, jalan ni macam nak ke arah rumah aku je....". Gosh, thank God we didn't reach Tanjung Malim or Genting Highland..haha. Funneyh!! So, in the end we turned around at Rawang toll and went back to Puncak Alam safely, but a bit late. Well, I guess that's a mistake I'll never forget..*wonders if it would be a good idea to drive on till Genting?*

Quote of the day:

Bad boys are as attractive as a new pair of 5-inch stillettos. Both will hurt you, but at different sites.

stuck in the megasize fridge

2009-10-06T23:18:00.000-07:00

*superduper cold!*

I'm at Jabatan Farmasi Hospital Sg. Buloh right now. It's weird how hospitals remind you of the dead. It's freezing in here. I don't know lah whether the aircond decided to chill more than usual or is it just me? It's like northern Russia in here!!

Okay, nevermind the environmental hazards. My eyes had been on the monitor since morning. Just preparing some slides for the end of weekend clerkship presentation. I had been doing everything by myself cuz my partner in crime got himself injured and couldn't come to the hospital training since monday. That's just nice, isn't it?

Speaking of clerkship, I guess we all have to learn the hard way. Of course lah right now, we know nothing. We're just "fresh undergraduates", right? I'm learning to ask questions as this is probably my biggest problem. Embarassed to ask, lost your way. Shortcuts? Second to nil.

Move along ... Move along..
Gonna stop dilly-dally here.
Later.

*stoned-cold!!!*

How do I change?
If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labour.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.

- Og. Mandino “The Greatest Salesman In The World"

First post

2009-10-06T08:39:00.000-07:00

hello blog world.
as you know it, this is my first blog..and it's my first post.

what should i do here?
maybe i'll post some pics later.
right now i'm writing my research thesis. hopefully to get it done by tonight.

i'm tired.

oh, by the way. what is dilly dally?

dilly dally
Verb: To mess around or waste time. Typically used by the very elderly.
"Ah you young whipper snapper. Stop dilly dallying and get off your ass! "
source: urbandictionary.com

basically, this is the place where i'm gonna waste time. right on, baby!